BDSM: Where dungeons can be sexy and pain is a good thing - The State Hornet: Opinion

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BDSM: Where dungeons can be sexy and pain is a good thing

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Posted: Wednesday, February 20, 2013 12:00 am

The mood is set: lights are dim, candles are lit and the champagne has been flowing.

You are lying on the bed, waiting for your lover to return when, to your surprise, he or she pulls out some handcuffs. You’re feeling adventurous so you let them lock you in. He or she asks if they can flog you…you have no idea what this means.

BDSM or bondage/discipline, Dominance/submission and sadomasochism/masochism carries a stigma of violence and pain. It’s frowned upon in mainstream society although most people don’t realize they are already interested in it.

The use of handcuffs or blindfolds – even spanking - is a form of BDSM and is commonly accepted as rough sex. According to the 2005 Durex Global Sex Survey, 22 percent of people admitted to using handcuffs or blindfolds during sex. Nineteen percent liked spanking during sex, also known as flogging. The survery involved 317,000 people in 41 countries. Twenty percent of people have used some kind of bondage utility and five percent identify as being involved in the BDSM community.

Dungeon owner Brittany Delta said the biggest misconception about BDSM is that it’s serious.

“People think there’s no humor in it - they are dead wrong,” Delta said, “It’s whips and chains, yes, but it turns to wrestling and Stone Cold Steve Austin head locks. It’s lots of fun.”

People assume those who are into BDSM must have a psychological issue and desire to inflict pain onto another person. Charles Moser found, via survey, “There is no evidence at all supporting the theory of BDSM practitioners having any special psychiatric problems or even problems based solely on their preferences.”

Researchers presented data in 2007 to the World Congress of Sexology which showed that “BDSM is simply a sexual interest attractive to a minority, not a pathological symptom of past abuse or difficulty with normal sex.” Although some members of the BDSM community joke that they all have problems that brought them here.

Delta said she’s learned to accept others for who they are through owning a dungeon.

“Most people think BDSM is for those with personality disorders but first, find me someone who doesn’t have one of some kind. It’s the taboo that draws people in. Everyone likes bad and things that aren’t socially accepted - it‘s more intriguing.”

I will admit that the idea of being tied up and gagged would seem frightful to almost anyone; when it comes to the unknown, we fear what we don’t understand. But in BDSM, it’s more about accepting rather than understanding.

Fetish photographer Kayleigh Shawn said BDSM isn’t for everyone.

“Some people’s mindsets are appropriate for BDSM. Everyone thinks they are kinky, but they aren’t. Everyone is sexual but it takes a different mental capacity to be involved in BDSM,” Shawn said. “You have to be able to step outside the box of normal sexuality and accept that what you’re into is outside that box. You have to be able to accept people’s different fetishes even though they might not be similar to your own.”

A friend of mine has a spit fetish. He doesn’t think himself strange or unusual but the idea of being spat upon doesn’t turn on anyone else I know. All your fantasies are normal to you, and probably to someone else. I guarantee that whatever is going on in that freaky little mind of yours will most likely turn on someone else as well.

“The only thing the BDSM has in common is they are all into BDSM. Not background, not ethnicity, nothing. Just our acceptance of each other. You need to be able to look at some people getting freaky and say ‘yeah, okay, that’s not my thing but I’m glad you’re going at it,’” Shawn said.

Good advice if you are intrigued: “If you are going to try BDSM, takes some classes and be safe. People think we are sick because they find us on CSI scenes when things go wrong,” Delta said. “Don’t hope you are doing it right - go learn. Also, don’t jump in too fast. We are a good community and love to help others who are interested.”

So if you fancy yourself interested and you find yourself being blindfolded or restrained, think about this: If you let yourself go and free yourself of inhibitions, you might find you like something new. Just because society says no to something, it doesn’t make it wrong.

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1 comment:

  • stewey2000 posted at 5:10 pm on Thu, Feb 21, 2013.

    stewey2000 Posts: 22

    Saw one of the signs mentioning this article on one of your news stands, lol good job. I liked that you cited some good sources and described the numbers and territory involved in the survey. Fun article