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Proper dorm sex etiquette

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Posted: Wednesday, October 10, 2012 12:00 am | Updated: 10:25 am, Wed Nov 7, 2012.

Sex is an extremely personal act. It doesn’t matter if it’s shared between a couple who has been married for 20 years or you and the hottest person you met at the bar. When you finally get this person alone, all you want is to have the sex you’ve been imagining.

But as college students, we aren’t that lucky.

Chances are you have a roommate, whether it’s in a residence hall or not, and getting some quality “personal time” is a rare but beautiful moment.

My freshman year I was paired with a seemingly nice girl--a little wacky but I thought it could work out even though we had to share a small 10-by-10 room with only one window.

As it turned out, that “wacky” masked “sex craved” and she had a personal challenge to bring a new guy back to the dorm room each night. She even had a tally board next to the door so when she and her prey came in, she could quickly and discreetly add another mark.

My roommate was a very free spirit in the sense she would never let me know when she had a visitor so, on numerous occasions, I walked in to see her in some interesting positions. Normally, you could hear her doing the deed from down the hallway and know not to disturb her but I’ve even woken up to her going at it right near my pillow. Not okay.

So to all you sexually active individuals, or those who have sexually active roommates, please take the time to sit your roommate down and set up some guidelines. No one should have to endure the things I went through.

First off, do you really think it’ll be the highlight of their week to see you in some crazy tantric position, having wild sex all over the floor? No. Having your roommate walk in on you will cause tension, unwanted fights and not to mention one hell of an awkward moment.

Second off, do you want all your hard work and sweaty sex to go to waste when you hear the jingle of their keys in the door and have to violently push your partner off of you to keep from being caught? Hell no. We all know that panic, “oh crap” moment but get real, your roommate knows what was just happening.

There are a plethora of ways to let your roommate or friends know you are getting some action. If you don’t want the world to know, you could skip the hat on the doorknob and use a scrunchy or scarf. For those who don’t know you it’ll seem like someone has returned a lost item and you can keep your dirty, little secret.

Have a code word such as “milk” and write your roommate a little note like “hey, we are out of milk” and leave it on the outside of the door so they can be properly informed when you have an impromptu “study night.”

If all else fails, shoot them a text while your guest is not looking so your roommate can have some kind of heads up and make plans; rather than come knockin’ while your bed is rockin’.

Also, be aware of what you are doing and where you are doing it.

Yes, when you are in the heat of the moment, it’s hard to stop yourself but if you catch yourself bumping up against a clean, made-up bed rather than your dirty soiled sex sheets, gently guide your lover over. You will be scarred with knowing your roommate has to sleep on the pillow where your bare butt was.

Even if it’s not their bed, be in your own space. Don’t get frisky in a space where others frequently hang out; you wouldn’t want to cuddle up on a couch where your roommate had sex. Or the floor. Nothing is worse than staring at a spot in the room and remembering every detail of what your partner did to you and having someone else sit there.

Save everyone the trouble and just give a warning. Your roommate would rather hang somewhere for an hour than catch you doubled over, moaning like a freak. Your partner will appreciate it too when they don’t have to stop right before they can finish because your roommate came home.

Plus, you are getting laid! Don’t let anything interrupt that, especially if your partner is good in bed.

 

Ashley can be reached at: amj259@saclink.csus.edu

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